Saturday, March 19, 2011

How to Build an Author Website

Hello Cruel World,

Okay -- it's been busy around here. I had to do author photos and then go through another set of revisions. There was a nasty batch of flu making the rounds too -- it got my husband first, then me, then the kid. I can't remember the last time I was that sick.

And somewhere in all of that, I decided to build a website. And if you ever need to build your own author website, here is a handy guide to how I did it.

1. I start by searching web for cool author template. Find one I love. Purchase and download it.

2. Discover that I am much too stupid to use purchased template. Much.Too.Stupid.

3. Find a free template on my mac on program called iWeb. It has a book on it. So um....guess I'll use that one.

4. Discover that I am not too stupid to use iWeb. But just barely.

5. Mess with website as a way of using the obsessive, panicky energy I have stored up while I wait to hear what my editor thinks of my revisions.

6. Obsessively purchase photos on to fancy up the website. Stop when I realize I'm on the verge of spending $17 for a picture of fig newtons.

7. Start to obsessive plan to buy fig newtons, drive to lake (one hour away) and take pictures of them for my website with the lake in the background and thus save myself $17.

8. Consider the cost of the fig newtons, gas, and time involved in this plan. Re-evaluate.

8. Realize I am too lazy for this plan and that $17 is a completely reasonable price for a picture of fig newtons.

9. Admit I have a problem. I don't need a fig newton picture. Feel proud of decision to have no fig newton pictures at all on my website.

10. Go out the next day, buy fig newtons, take picture of them in my backyard, put picture on website (where they are small and barely noticeable), then eat fig newtons.

11. Admit that I'm still obsessive and have a problem, but I also got to eat fig newtons, so all is good.

12. Upload the website. It doesn't upload correctly.

13. Cuss and scream, re-read uploading instructions, do everything exactly like I'm supposed to.

14. Website still fails to upload.

15. Repeat process over and over again at least 126 times and have no luck.

16. Mysteriously, on the 127 time, the website loads perfectly.

17. Spend the next hour being baffled and thinking about how to justify buying more fig newtons.

18. Publicize website. It's, if you're interested.


  1. Oh my god, you crack me up! And I just wrote fig newtons on my grocery list for this afternoon. I intend to simply eat them, not photograph though.

  2. Hey Jen -- you are now on my website. Both of your blogs are linked. YAY!